Wednesday, February 25, 2009
Words That Hurt
I can’t believe I am talking about labels again, but yesterday I was reading several blogs about, for, and by people with developmental disabilities. I can’t believe how much space is devoted to the use of the words “mental retardation” and the word “retard.”
Is our job really to teach people with developmental disabilities to feel offended and victimized whenever they hear those words?
I am a believer that behavior is a form of communication. As long as we teach people to feel like a victim in response to words, they will be victims. As long as we pay attention and reinforce the behavior of those people who use words like “retard” as an intentional insult to people with mental retardation, then the more they will repeat that behavior.
Why does a person with a developmental disability have to be offended by a word? If someone throws a ball at you, do you have to catch it? What is gained by teaching people to be “victims”?
If we were supporting a client with a developmental disability who called a peer a “retard,” we would try to figure out what their behavior was communicating (what do they get from using that word), and we would try to teach them a replacement behavior – a way to communicate the same thing in a more socially acceptable manner. We wouldn’t just teach the offended client to feel victimized. If they were truly hurt by the word, we would teach them to deal with that emotion. We wouldn’t teach them to hate the person who called them that name.
Yet I keep reading blogs really railing against people who use offensive language and making sure we all know that people with developmental disabilities should be horribly outraged and offended and victimized.
Am I, as a white male, supposed to be horribly offended and victimized whenever I hear the words “gringo” or “honky”? Am I supposed to be mad all day or all week (or how long am I supposed to let it interfere in my life?) if someone uses those words in a movie? I choose not to use those type words myself as a matter of personal pride in my manner of communicating with people. I also choose not to be offended when someone calls me a name… at least not for long. Yes, my feelings can be hurt just like everyone else, but then my choice is in how to deal with that emotion. How productive is it for me to spend time feeling sorry for myself or mad at someone because someone else called me a name?
Lots of people are going to strongly disagree with my views here and call me names in order to label me as discriminatory or some such thing. O.K. If that’s what you need to do in order to feel good about yourself, then go ahead. You can insult me, but I don’t have to feel insulted. Insulting me is just your way of behaviorally communicating your disagreement with me.
Yet, we as a society feel the strong need to “protect” people with developmental disabilities from hearing offensive words. Does anyone really think that you are going to stop all people from using offensive words? How about we teach people with developmental disabilities how to deal with their emotions if they are truly offended by someone else being an idiot? How long ago was the word “idiot” considered the offensive/victimizing/politically incorrect word of the day?
The words “mental retardation” are a clinical/diagnostic phrase to describe a condition. They label a condition. The “flu” labels a condition. Should I be offended if someone says that I have the flu?
Yes, words can be stigmatizing for some people. I just don’t get the point of teaching all people with developmental disabilities to feel stigmatized.
Is our job really to teach people with developmental disabilities to feel offended and victimized whenever they hear those words?
I am a believer that behavior is a form of communication. As long as we teach people to feel like a victim in response to words, they will be victims. As long as we pay attention and reinforce the behavior of those people who use words like “retard” as an intentional insult to people with mental retardation, then the more they will repeat that behavior.
Why does a person with a developmental disability have to be offended by a word? If someone throws a ball at you, do you have to catch it? What is gained by teaching people to be “victims”?
If we were supporting a client with a developmental disability who called a peer a “retard,” we would try to figure out what their behavior was communicating (what do they get from using that word), and we would try to teach them a replacement behavior – a way to communicate the same thing in a more socially acceptable manner. We wouldn’t just teach the offended client to feel victimized. If they were truly hurt by the word, we would teach them to deal with that emotion. We wouldn’t teach them to hate the person who called them that name.
Yet I keep reading blogs really railing against people who use offensive language and making sure we all know that people with developmental disabilities should be horribly outraged and offended and victimized.
Am I, as a white male, supposed to be horribly offended and victimized whenever I hear the words “gringo” or “honky”? Am I supposed to be mad all day or all week (or how long am I supposed to let it interfere in my life?) if someone uses those words in a movie? I choose not to use those type words myself as a matter of personal pride in my manner of communicating with people. I also choose not to be offended when someone calls me a name… at least not for long. Yes, my feelings can be hurt just like everyone else, but then my choice is in how to deal with that emotion. How productive is it for me to spend time feeling sorry for myself or mad at someone because someone else called me a name?
Lots of people are going to strongly disagree with my views here and call me names in order to label me as discriminatory or some such thing. O.K. If that’s what you need to do in order to feel good about yourself, then go ahead. You can insult me, but I don’t have to feel insulted. Insulting me is just your way of behaviorally communicating your disagreement with me.
Yet, we as a society feel the strong need to “protect” people with developmental disabilities from hearing offensive words. Does anyone really think that you are going to stop all people from using offensive words? How about we teach people with developmental disabilities how to deal with their emotions if they are truly offended by someone else being an idiot? How long ago was the word “idiot” considered the offensive/victimizing/politically incorrect word of the day?
The words “mental retardation” are a clinical/diagnostic phrase to describe a condition. They label a condition. The “flu” labels a condition. Should I be offended if someone says that I have the flu?
Yes, words can be stigmatizing for some people. I just don’t get the point of teaching all people with developmental disabilities to feel stigmatized.
# posted by John @ 10:21 AM 
